Monday, August 8, 2016

Looking for the Me I used to be

What happened?
Today is exactly one year since I last posted on my blog.  One year since I last wrote anything of significance.  I was once a prolific writer, brim full of creativity and out the box thinking.
Somehow or other I allowed myself to become swamped with other people's dramas, until I was drowning in exhaustion caused from sleepless nights of working out solutions to their problems.  Then my life became one huge problem.  Looking forward became a no-go zone, as problem after problem blurred my vision and killed my creativity.
Somewhere in this lump of flesh that just exists and no longer lives, must be the me I used to be.
I need to find it.  I need to find me.
That spark must still be there somewhere.  The humour that was pushed aside to make way for a seriousness that is both life-threatening and demoralising.
Existing is not living.

My nails are chipped and cracked from clinging onto survival.  If I am only here to just survive then I would rather not be here at all.
So, take back your dramas.  Remove your problems from my portfolio.  Let me renew my spirit.
I was put here to create.  Do not hinder me.  Do not block my path with inconsequential things.
Do not block me from myself.
You might not like me much, but I like the me I used to be and at the end of the day, that is what counts.
Don't distract me from my quest.  Because when I find the me I used to be, you'd better watch out.
No more character's dialogue echoing through my brain when driving the car, only to be forgotten when I return home.
I am removing your drama from where it has been in residence in my mind, clearing out the compartments, making room for my creativity to return and take back control.
Where it is supposed to be.  In the me I used to be.  And like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, the me I am again.
Cindy Vine is the author of Hush Baby, Defective, Not Telling, C U @ 8 and The Case of Billy B.  All her books are available on Amazon in both Kindle and Paperback format.


Sandy said...

like the rescuer of the drowning swimmer, it's so easy to get sucked in....the healer needs time to fill up the tank before withdrawals can be made

Aya Katz said...

This resonates with me so much! The need to recharge our batteries and listen to our inner voices should never be relegated to take back seat to other peoples' demands. As we move through life, our creativity may change, we may use new channels and experiment with new media, but our flame will not be extinguished.

Cindy Vine said...

Here's to a lifelong burning flame of creativity! May there always be fuel to keep it burning so it can light up others' lives!