When you are your own worst enemy

Sitting in my car waiting for a friend, I noticed something I had never seen before.  A bird attacking its reflection in a car's side view mirror.  Now this must be something that actually happens quite often, as when I put into Google search 'Bird fighting its reflection', heaps of photos like the one in this blog came up.  Unfortunately as I no longer have a smart phone to take impromptu photos with (it accidentally fell out my pocket and smashed when my cardigan snagged on a chair, but that is a whole other sad story), I was forced to grab a photo off Google images.
But I digress.  So back to the bird fighting its reflection.  That got me thinking.  How often are we actually our own worst enemy?  How often do we blurt out stuff and think immediately, "Oh crap I shouldn't have just said that!"  Our lives are so busy we are forced to make on-the-spot decisions and choices and sometimes they aren't always the best option.  We are our own worst enemy when we react to situations based on our fears, irritation or annoyance levels or our lack of willpower.  Or when we have no idea what it feels like to walk in the other person's shoes.

Today was a prime example.  I love baked cheesecake.  So my friend and I went for coffee and cake.  There was a whole row of little restaurant/coffee shops opposite the beach.  We picked the one which advertised cakes on their blackboard at the entrance.  The waiter told us it was 'Banting" cheesecake.  All I know about Banting is that it is some kind of a diet invented by some kind of health nut sports medicine guy that works at a university.  (I think!  I am probably wrong.)  So we ordered the Banting cheesecake and I felt extremely health-conscious ordering what was probably diet cheesecake.  It arrived with a mound of cream next to it.  My stomach dropped (literally) as I don't do cream in any form.  My stomach has an instant aversion to cream.  As a child, anything rich, creamy or oily would make me throw up.  As an adult it gives me instant runs.  I tried to avoid the cream but I definitely ingested some as I could feel my tummy begin to gurgle.  Now this is not a happy baby kind of gurgle.  This is a gurgle that causes hair-raising moments.  The hair literally stands up on my arms.
All my life I have had a fear of performing certain body functions in public bathrooms or at other people's houses.  There are some things I can only do in the privacy of my own bathroom.  So I didn't go at my friend's house when I needed to, instead I sat and let my tummy gurgle quietly.  Then I made a very bad choice to stop off at the supermarket on the way home.  I was definitely my own worst enemy, as by that stage my tummy was ready to erupt.  The hairs on my arms were on high alert and standing at attention, but still I refused to go to the public bathroom.  Hopefully, nobody noticed my strange walk as I clenched my butt cheeks together and pushed the shopping trolley around that supermarket in double quick time.  By the time I got to my car I could barely walk.  My gait had changed to a strange one-legged gallop as I dragged my other foot along the ground, too scared to take a proper step as my butt cheeks stayed clenched together in a mild panic.  While the shopping trolley man unpacked my shopping into my car, I jumped up and down as I could not stand still.  With teeth clenched I made it into the driver's seat and all the way home.  Opening the gate and front door were the next death-defying missions that I managed to complete before mincing my way down my passage to my bathroom.  I really need to go when I need to go.  This fear of others' bathrooms must be overcome.  There was no need for me to go through this horrifying ordeal.  I am truly my own worst enemy.
Cindy Vine is an author and teacher currently living in the beautiful city of Cape Town, South Africa.  She is the author of Hush Baby, Not Telling, Defective, C U @ 8 and The Case of Billy B.  All her books are available on Amazon in both kindle and paperback format.