13 Reasons why there needs to be this conversation

The Netflix series '13 Reasons Why' might be a controversial series, but what it did do was heighten awareness and start a conversation about the issues facing teenagers today.  Issues like bullying, cyber-bullying, sexual assault, rape, suicide, cliques, under-age drinking, drugs, homosexuality, school shootings and the adults who are supposed to be in charge having no control.  All these issues in one television series might make it overwhelming for the viewer.  But what you have to remember, is that the majority of our teenagers are overwhelmed by one or more of these issues every single day of their lives, either as a victim, perpetrator or a witness to the events.  Saying, "Kids will be kids," will no longer cut it I'm afraid.
What are we doing to help them?
Teenagers are notoriously bad at sharing what is really going on in their lives with their parents.  There are many reasons for this, but a big reason is that they don't want to disappoint their parents.  So teenagers keep secrets that sometimes they don't have the emotional maturity to deal with.  This leads them to make some bad, ill-informed choices that complicates a situation even more.  Then before you know it they are in so deep and drowning, and that's when the really bad choices are made.  And often all of this happens without the parents having a clue.
But, the school is aware 9 times out of 10.
Somebody on the staff always knows something.
I can almost feel the earth shudder as millions of educators shake their heads simultaneously in denial.  Subconsciously you know I am right.  I have been involved in education for over 30 years and I know that I am speaking the truth.
You see, in every situation there is always one or more children who can't keep a secret.  That child will pick a teacher they trust to confide in.  They might not tell you the whole story, or the story might be their truth and different to others' truth, but they will tell you something.  These children would have been the tattletales in elementary school.  Teachers will share what they were told with other teachers in the staff room.  But many times it will just stay as gossip and nothing will be done about it.
Don't say the school was unaware.  Somebody on the staff would have known something.  However, school management often choose to try and bury it as they don't want it to be known that their school is unsafe and they can't guarantee the safety of their students.  They have this attitude that if they pretend these issues are not there and not happening in their school, then all will just blow over and the issues will just fade away.  Kids will be kids, right?  Kids exaggerate, so it is never as bad as it's meant to be.  Wrong!  It's often a good deal worse.  What might seem silly to an adult can be devastating to a child.  And teenagers are still children.
As an educator, you need to know your students.
We have to take these issues in our schools seriously.
We have to give our teenagers a voice.
Nobody should feel alone and overwhelmed by life.
Dark times pass.
Support just needs to be there to help each other get through the dark moments.
We are in this world together, not alone.
The suicide rate in the United States has seen sharp increases in recent years. Studies have shown that the risk of suicide declines sharply when people call the national suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK.
Bullying in all its forms is a very big problem that largely goes unaddressed.  Bullying, sexual assault, rape are all connected.  If there is a culture of bullying in a school, chances are there will sexual assaults and rape happening in the shadows.  Sweeping reported incidents under a carpet and pretending they never happened shows the bully that there are no consequences for their actions, and that what they are doing is acceptable.
School management needs to step up and address the bullying that is going on in their school.
It is not just going to go away.  If there are no consequences it will get worse.
Our children are our future.  What kind of a future are we planning, if we are sending broken children into the world?
This is why we need to have this conversation.

The Freedom Club highlights some of the bullying that goes on in our schools.  It is a story about a group of teenagers who are tired of being victims.  They form a club to offer support to each other, so that together they can stand up to the bullies in their school.
But standing up to the bullies is not easy when you have no support from the school itself.
And it is even more difficult when the two biggest bullies are the principal's children.
And when the principal himself is a bully, you might have to go over to the dark side to get justice.
The Freedom Club continues the conversation started by the engaging, often controversial series 13 Reasons Why.
We have to do something.
Bullying must stop.
School shootings must stop.
We must do more to prevent teen suicides.
More must be done to make our children realize that sexual assaults are not just fun pranks.  The victims are hurt and emotionally scarred for life.
Rape is not only a crime committed by a man wearing a mask that breaks in through your bedroom window in the middle of the night.  
Rape is when you have sex with someone without their consent.
Many rapes go unreported.
The majority of them actually, so we have no accurate figures.
People tend to report stranger rape, but not rape by people they know.  Because somehow, even though they are the victim, they feel guilty.
As if they must have done something to cause the rapist to have sex with them.
Non-consensual sex is not okay. 
Not Telling highlights the very difficult issue of being raped by someone you know.
And if you are sexually assaulted or raped, should you tell?
Even if it will hurt someone close to you.
Do you protect them or protect yourself?
How might keeping it secret affect you for years to come?
Cindy Vine is a South African author and teacher who currently lives and works in Norway.  
She writes reality fiction, stories about the darker side of humanity.  Stories about issues many of us face each day. 
Issues that are hard to talk about.
But we have to get these conversations going.
If we are to be saved.

THE FREEDOM CLUB HD mp4

Teachers LOVE writing reports -not!

It's that time of year again that teachers hate - Report Writing!  If you are living in the Northern Hemisphere it is summer and the sun is shining and you are inside working on reports.  Aaaarrrggghhhh!
How to write end of year school reports...
How to write end of year reports when the sun is shining, the birds are singing and everybody who is not a teacher is at the beach or relaxing next to a swimming pool.
The correct response is 'with great difficulty.'
Look at me, writing a blog post instead of writing reports.
I am trying to build up some motivation.
How do you try and be subtle in your comments so that the parents know what you mean, but are not too subtle that they miss the point?
That is what I am mulling over in my mind over a coffee or two.  Maybe I should take a break and make breakfast?  But oops, I haven't actually started yet.  So maybe taking a break before you start might be termed procrastination.
And I never procrastinate, ever.  And there goes my nose growing longer by the second!
So here are some subtle ways you can use to inform parents about their child's progress.
Meghan has a beautiful smile which detracts from the vacant look in her eyes as she attempts to come to grips with the content.
William tries hard in everything he does, and especially tries the patience of all around him.
Britney lacks confidence in her own abilities and asks for reassurance every two minutes.
Michael has excellent sensory perception and is confident using the five senses, especially the sense of touch.  He enjoys touching himself while he completes his tasks.
Jessica is not afraid to express herself in class.  She has an extensive vocabulary that would make a sailor proud.
Roberto is a very physical little boy with an exceptional right arm, which he is able to swing with great force and connect with others throughout the day.
Ferdinand has the exceptional ability to sleep with his eyes open.
Maria is a great inquirer and loves to ask questions throughout the school day.  Her goal next year is to expand on her questions and not just ask if it is home time or if she may go to the bathroom.
Felicity excels in all areas except Math, Language, and anything that involves reading, writing and concentration.
Matthew is a lively young man who has the attention span of a retarded ant.
Should Don pay the same attention to his schoolwork as he does his hair, he will achieve a result of which he can feel justly proud.
Although Carla tries her best, she sets very low standards for herself.
Tatiana has learned about body parts and is able to make connections between the body part and its use.  She has inquired into teeth and has discovered that they leave pretty patterns on her peers when she explores their use.
James has found his voice which he uses to maximum benefit whenever things don't go his way.
Now that I have the report comments flowing in my mind, I best get started on the reports.
But first, I might need another coffee and to make breakfast...

Cindy Vine is a teacher and author currently living in Norway.  She has just released a new book called The Freedom Club which is available on Amazon in both ebook and paperback formats.
“We could be anybody and everybody. A group of high school stereotypes with one thing in common. Every one of us has a story.”

Every high school has the bullies, the freaks, and the weird kids that make you feel uneasy. Rourke High has more than their fair share. A few months before the end of their senior year, a group of seemingly mismatched kids get together to form The Freedom Club, hoping that they can support the victims of bullying, before they graduate. As they uncover secrets and lies they plot revenge - and discover love, friendship and truths about themselves, building up to a shocking climax that will leave you reeling.
Are children safe at school?
“We could be anybody and everybody. A group of high school stereotypes with one thing in common. Every one of us has a story.”

Why do People Bully?

Statistics show that 1 out of every 2 people will have experienced bullying of some kind by the time they turn 20.  That's a frightening statistic!  Unfortunately, bullying doesn't miraculously stop when a person turns 20.  Many adults are bullied by their spouse, so called 'friends' and even at their place of work.  Bullying is not limited to children's school playgrounds.  Bullying is everywhere and little is being done to stop it.  Bullies are not being held accountable for their actions.
And it starts at the top.
Which brings me to Donald Trump.  He's the epitome of a bully and it seems to be okay.  Calling people names, giving them nasty nicknames, belittling them, and posting it on social media is nothing more than cyber-bullying.  Imagine a whole generation of children using Donald Trump as their role-model and mimicking his antics on social media. 
Scary stuff, isn't it?
So why do people bully others?
Are they all just sadistic sociopaths?
Or is there an underlying reason for their behavior?
These are the ten top reasons why people bully
1.  Jealousy.  The bully could be jealous of your popularity, your relationships, something you own or wear, your intelligence, your looks - basically anything you have that they feel they don't.  Therefore, to compensate for their lack they'll put you down or make you pay.
2.  Sucky home life.  Some people feel the need to share the suckiness of their life with others.  If things aren't going so well at home, they might inadvertently create that same environment at work.  Or they might feel if their life is a misery they may as well make everyone else's life a misery.
3.  Low self-esteem.  There are those who feel that they are not good enough.  So they try and crush all those around them to make themselves look better.
4.  Power-hungry narcissists.  These are the control-freak types who are addicted to power.  There is no reason for them to bully other than the power-rush it gives them.  They just thrive on lording it over everybody.  It's all about their ego.
5.  Stress or trauma.  Some bullies start acting out after they have experienced a traumatic event in their life or are under stress.  They project negative behaviors to try and disguise what is going on in their life.
6.  Aggression.  Some people are just mean and they enjoy hurting others.  No other explanation needed.
7.  Attention-seeking.  Then you get the bullies that just want people to notice them and want to be the center of attention.  The attention junkies.  They will do anything to get a laugh or to get noticed, even if it involves putting someone else down.
8.  Victims of bullying themselves.  Many bullies were once bullied themselves.  Their parents instructed them to fight back, so bullying others is a kind of a defense mechanism to protect themselves from ever being a victim again.  Bully them first before they bully you.
9.  Acceptance.  Some bully others so they can be accepted into the popular group, or because they think it might give them a higher ranking in their clique.  This is a kind of pack-mentality.
10. Lack of empathy.  These bullies pick on people who are different in some way.  Often they don't understand how it feels to be a little different, so they will ridicule others out of ignorance.  They pick on others because they think it is funny.
Whatever the reasons behind the bullying, it must stop.  The long-term effect bullying has on a person's psyche is phenomenal.  It will impact current and future relationships.  It might even become so bad, that the bullying victim decides to seek revenge.  If you are being bullied, then you need to report it to someone.
Cindy Vine is an author and teacher who has experienced bullying in all its terrible forms.  She is the author of Not Telling, Hush Baby and Defective.  Her new YA novel, The Freedom Club, has just been released.  All her books are available on Amazon is both ebook and paperback format.

When will School Shootings stop?

With all the hype of the Royal Wedding, it seems the latest school shooting might hide in the shadows behind photos of the royal couple.  10 People dead and the 22nd school shooting in the US in 2018!  Definitely not a statistic to feel proud of.
It's uncanny that the day The Freedom Club was released on Amazon, is the same day there's another school shooting.
Having started a school for children who struggle to cope in mainstream education, I heard many terrible stories about bullying on a daily basis.  In my over 30 years in education teaching in schools all around the world, I have heard many stories about bullying.  It seems to be an ongoing problem, despite schools saying they have zero tolerance for bullies.
My own children have been bullied.  I can vividly remember the day one of my children came home crying her heart out.  Freddie Mercury had just died and a boy in her class told her that she gave Freddie Mercury AIDS.  She was devastated, fully believing that because of her, he would never sing again!  Children can be cruel, very cruel.  They say what they want without thinking about the consequences.  Words hurt.
Teen suicides and school shootings are an alarming trend.
After the Las Vegas shooting on 1 October 2017, even though it wasn't a school shooting, I got the idea for The Freedom Club.  My thinking was, what if some high school students get tired of being victims of bullying and do something about it?
Now I am not saying that all school shootings happen because of bullying. 
Some school shooters have histories of mental instability.  For others it might be attention seeking or out of anger.  But the one thing all school shootings have in common, is that those left behind are completely traumatized.
After the Parklands school shooting there was a lot of publicity, marches, protests, walk-outs, debates.  Students were unanimous in wanting change.  They wanted to feel safe at school.  That's not a ridiculous request if you think of it.  Children go to school to get an education, not to be shot at.
But so far, nothing important has happened.  There's been no big change in legislation.  There's been a ludicrous suggestion that teachers should be armed to stop school shootings.
Many years ago, just before Nelson Mandela became president of South Africa, there was a lot of rioting, protest action and the burning down of schools.  Apartheid had not yet been dismantled.  I can remember, together with the other members of staff, being taught how to use an RN Rifle so that we could defend the school in case the protestors came to burn it down.  Thank goodness the protestors never came and we never had to defend the school.  However, I can remember feeling uncomfortable that we were expected to use a gun on the school premises if the situation called for it.  I had become a teacher to make learning fun, not to be a gun carrying educator.
The Freedom Club tells the stories of the children.  Stories that all those who have been bullied can identify with.

THE FREEDOM CLUB

“We could be anybody and everybody. A group of high school stereotypes with one thing in common.  Every one of us has a story.”

Every high school has the bullies, the freaks, and the weird kids that make you feel uneasy.  Rourke High has more than their fair share.  A few months before the end of their senior year, a group of seemingly mismatched kids get together to form The Freedom Club, hoping that they can support the victims of bullying, before they graduate.  As they uncover secrets and lies they plot revenge - and discover love, friendship and truths about themselves, building up to a shocking climax that will leave you reeling.

Do you ever really know the person next to you?

(Click on this link to get your copy!) 


Cindy Vine is an author and teacher living and working in Norway.  She is the author of The Case of Billy B, Not Telling, Defective, CU@8, Hush Baby and The Freedom Club.
All her books are available on Amazon.com in both Ebook and Paperback formats.

Things I learned being a Mother

I was 21 when I had my first baby, turning 22 the very next day.  No matter how many books or articles you read on the subject, nothing prepares you for it.  From that first cry, you are thrown into the deep end and there is no other option but to swim.
As a single mother I learned how to be resourceful and always have a Plan B or Plan C to fall back on, because very rarely did Plan A work out.

Carrying a little life inside you for 9 months creates a bond that is unbreakable.  The love you feel for that child will always be there, even in dark times when they turn against you and say the meanest things ever, you will always be ready to forgive because you are their Mom.
When they achieve success, you watch from the sidelines and it feels as if your heart might burst from pride.  You share in their disappointments and heartaches and it feels like your heart may break.
No matter where in the world they may be, they are resident in your heart and will never face eviction.
Mother's Day memories of little feet tiptoeing around the house, plates and pans banging in the kitchen before being served breakfast in bed.  Those memories I'll forever hold dear now that I am alone and my nest is empty.  The handmade cards, smiling happy faces, family times dominate my memory bank.
A mother will sometimes have to make difficult choices, will take risks, leave her comfort zone if there's a chance it will benefit her children.  They won't always know why you did what you did and made a certain choice.  You have to remember that only you knew the big picture, and the small piece they have is seen from their perspective.
The family squabbles and laughter will ensure the house is never quiet, until they have grown up and left the nest and the silence will echo through the empty rooms.
Being a mother isn't always easy, the responsibility of shaping young lives is huge, and doing it all by yourself is even harder.  But boy is it worth it!  The little grubby hand in yours, the head against your chest, the voice saying, "I love you Momsy," all make the most precious memories to cherish for the rest of your life.
My children gave me the Gift of Love and made me who I am today.  A mother first and everything else second.
To my children, I am so proud of every single one of you.  We might hardly ever see each other, all of us in different countries, but we'll always be a family and you'll always be loved.
Thanks for the memories!
Cindy Vine is a South African living and working in Norway.  She is the author of Hush Baby, Defective, Not Telling and CU@8.  All of her books are available on Amazon in both paperback and kindle format.

Romance Scam Alert!

Most people are familiar with the TV Show Catfish, and how the hosts expose young people pretending to be something they are not and fooling some gullible person online.  People fall in love with someone who seems to be the only person in the world who understands them.  All they have is a photo or two, and a range of excuses why they can't actually meet, can't video chat, can't talk on the phone.  We see the show, know how it's done, so why do we continue to fall for these scams?
We have all been warned about the scams involving a Nigerian prince, Ghanaian politician, an heir to a fortune, all needing your help in getting the money out of their country.  People attracted to the prospect of making easy money by helping someone, find themselves with their bank accounts emptied.
The scary thing, is that some of these romance scammers are targeting elderly women, and conning them out of their life savings.  And they are repeatedly getting away with it.
You might be wondering, how does someone fall for one of these scams?  What you have to remember, is that the people they are targeting are not as technology and internet savvy as we are.  They get a message on their Facebook or Linkedin, (that one of their children probably set up for them) and they open it and have no reason not to believe the sender isn't genuine.  Picture this, a lonely widow/divorcee over the age of 70, living alone with lots of time on her hands, gets a message from a man telling her he`s attracted to her smile.  Nobody comments on her smile anymore, and she's flattered.  Right there and then she's hooked and takes the bait.  What follows is an online romance that will end in tears.
The Nigerian scammers, in particular, use a tried and tested formula.
1.  They set up a fake profile on Linkedin or Facebook, use an alias, and have a stock of photos of a real person they have stolen off the internet.  To make themselves more appealing, they will have a desirable career or profession.
2.  They trawl through Facebook and Linkedin looking for potential targets, older women who were professionals in their day, who look like they might have money in the bank.
3.  They send the woman a private message with a flattering comment.  If she replies, they follow up with more flattering prose, much of it copied and pasted off greeting card websites.  The woman can't believe her good fortune, someone is finally paying her attention again.  They send her a stolen

photo, and she is pleasantly surprised that such a good looking man is interested in her.  Photos of men in US Military uniform is quite common, but if they are not targeting someone in the US, then they tend to use the photos of Joe Cross.  Joe Cross is a health food guru in Australia.  Unfortunately, his photos have been stolen off his website and social media pages, and are being sent out to unsuspecting victims.
4.  Once the woman is hooked, they will tell her to rather do voice chats on Whatsapp.  This is better than email, they will say, and also so they can hear her beautiful voice.  Of course, this means that when they start asking for money, there will be no written trace of it.
5.  They will explain that they can't do video chats or skype because their phone doesn't have that capability.  They can't phone as they are based overseas and that would be too expensive.
6.  They will call the woman several times a day, and every night to build up that love connection and to prove that they really care.  Eventually, that poor old woman is just waiting for their phone calls.
7.  They will spin the woman a story about how it's their child's birthday and they can't afford to buy a present because all their money is tied up in a big project they are working on.  The woman will be cunningly manipulated to send money so that they can buy their child a phone for their birthday.  But they are not planning on using the money to buy a phone and there isn't a child.  This first request for money is the taster.  If the woman falls for it, then they know that they have landed themselves a winner.  If she doesn't, they dump her and move on to the next victim.
8.  They will keep on with the daily phone calls on Whatsapp, supposedly sharing intimate details of their lives while encouraging the woman to do the same.  They will tell the woman about a big project they are working on in a foreign country, like a bridge they are building, and how as soon as they have finished the project, they will come to the woman's country and marry her.  They will start referring to her as Wife.
9.  Unfortunately, they have to put the wedding on hold as they aren't able to finish the bridge as they have run out of money.  But when the bridge is finished, they will get a huge payout.  If the woman can just lend them some money to finish the bridge, they will repay it with interest when they get their payout.
10. They can't give the woman their bank account details in a message or email as they are scared of getting hacked.  So their instructions are simple.  When the woman arrives at her bank branch, she has to call her 'husband' on Whatsapp.  He then gives further instructions over the phone, including amount, bank details and account number.  He then instructs the woman to destroy the deposit slip.  By this stage, the woman is so under his spell that she no longer questions anything.  The amounts needed to complete the bridge get more and more, as does the frequency of the requests for more money.  When the money dries up, the romance is over.

The reason why I use 'they' is that this is very rarely a scammer operating on his own.  It's generally a whole syndicate of scammers working together.  The syndicate have this scam down pat.  They know just who to target and leave virtually no paper trail to follow.  You can't trace their phone number because the Whatsapp number they use is a foreign one and is not the same as the local number they are obviously operating on.  Their email address links to a fake IP address.  These guys are very clever.  Everything they do is so that they won't be found.
If you suspect you might be a victm of this romance scam, or know of someone who is, then the best bet is to report it to the police as soon as possible.  If the language in the initial emails is overly flowery, copy and paste it into Google search and if it copied from a greetng card site it will come up.  Definitely investigate further if the language used in the emails alternates between poor English with spelling and grammar mistakes and overly flowery language.  The photo they sent, you can upload into tineye.com and it will tell you where else that photo has been used on the internet.
So if a man randomly contacts you on social media, telling you how beautiful you are and he's in love with your smile, be warned.  If he's a Portuguese or Italian living in London but building a bridge in Jakarta be very afraid.  If he says his name is Gibson Wayne, or he uses a photo of Joe Cross like the one on this post, start running!
Cindy Vine is a South African currently living and working in Norway.  She is the author of the novels Hush Baby, Defective and Not Telling.  All her books are available on Amazon in both paperback and kindle formats.